Hysteria

We always whine about how our lives suck. Everyone enjoys telling people his sad story, misery is hip I assume. But what the fuck will we gain? a teary eye? how pathetic! I used to taste the pain of others to get a grip of my own, though through my selfishness, I could see only my pain as true.

Sometimes it feels unjust, to be fighting for things people take for granted. Being (good) shouldn't be so freaking hard. I have always had consolation in the fact that I am healthy, but sometimes i wish my curse was disease, Cancer may be, For then my struggle would be conceived as heroic, not shameful. I will have the right to panic, Chuck Palahniuk said:"Hysteria is impossible without an audience." AND I SO FUCKIN NEED AN AUDIENCE.I wish I had someone by my side, not a friend, but someone I could really trust : a parent?

"Understand what I’ve become
It wasn’t my design
And people everywhere think
Something better than I am"

-the cranberries, ode to my family