bla

I haven’t written anything here for a while. I was busy… distracted. and if i learned anything from distraction is that when it ends you’re hit by this indescribable amount of sadness and pain. you keep convincing yourself that you’re fine and suddenly you shut down. only recently did i come to know the real meanings of a break down or a panic attack. may be they were more like little hints my mind was giving me that I’m not okay… I’m not fine… you, my dear imaginary reader will think that I’m writing this when i was in a bad mood. But i wouldn’t describe my mood as bad, I can’t describe it at all. It’s like a shapeless jelly-like substance that take the shape of its container.

I’m really happy i found a nice friend, a real friend. but on the other hand my life is seriously out of control and falling into something dark. darker than anywhere I’ve gone before.

I don’t believe in my goodness anymore and I kind of lost hope.