But then I heard what you got to say... man that was ugly "
Amy once said before asking him to take the box.
I had the weirdest dream yesterday, there was a dead child, murdered may be, it feels so obscure now. the child's ghost appeared to me somehow and i was the only one who could see and even touch him, then he disappeared, I kept looking for him in dark places but i couldn't find him. I had this feeling that I was supposed to protect him somehow, or pursue his murderer may be?
I spent a wonderful day yesterday in Qahiret el Mo'ez, visiting both Beyt Al Sehimy (about time!) and al Hakim mosque. the mosque's plan was from the traditional rowaq type, with a big sahn and a very modest mayda in the middle. I've never been in a fatimid mosque before, it felt somehow different; but it's probably just me. A good mosque but could not in anyway be compared to Sultan Hassan madrasa for example.
we were guided by a professor in Islamic architecture. He wasn't exactly impressive but it's enough that he did all for free. I wanted to ask a lot of questions but i can't handle the crowd. I want to go Alone someday to sketch and observe; things i can not even think of in the presence of my beloved friend.
Nema's company was very fun, I was a little worried things would be awkward but it really wasn't, at least for me. She a very good person to be around.
In another matter, a Friend demanded that I go find myself a goal in life. I hate the fact that he was right in every word he said. he began by telling me how he thought that i'm well-mannered/educated. which I think i am (i'm being totally honest here) but there're things that i lack, important things. I don't have any talent or passion. I like to try everything and i hate to be told that i can not do something.
the worst thing was when he asked me what did i want from this life? wut do i dream of? and i couldn't answer. The future is too dark for me to see myself in it. I read somewhere that you don't have to realize your goal now and that sometime i will somehow be able to connect the dots and see a bigger picture, but that's bull and i knew it. but somehow I convinced myself; it was the easy thing to do. But no, i want to know who i am.
some philosopher once said that: IF you get married you live like a dog, and if you don't you die like a dog.
and this is very true, once you're married you're attached. you have this feeling of completion. And you stop looking for yourself. all the shit of the better half is right after all.
so now I have to find myself a goal, even a silly one.
what do i want to be: an architect? a fashion designer? open an Art school? what?
oh crap I have no idea.
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