depression

what's wrong with my dreams these days? i mean, yes i havent been exactly a good boy lately, and i expected to be a bit tortured by my concious but dreams? come on!!! all the dreams i get lately are ones with a clear moral message.now that's something i never thought i'd ever say, but i really miss my old obscure dreams, you know the ones that didn't mean much. i miss being in the middle of my class with nothing to hide my wee-wee. i miss falling down from the sky. and i really really miss losing my teeth. all in all i miss my old bla dreams.

I miss running from a monster. cause nothing feels worse than being the monster. I've always hated the word "Hate" but it reaches a whole new level when you hate yourself. I found out that I'm control freak, and that's OK, sometimes i just have to do things my way. but when your helpless, and you can do nothing to change something you hated about yourself that's when it really aches.

yes I'm in pain, just when i thought I've hit rock bottom. and I need help. I'm way over my pride of not asking for help. but then I wonder if there was someone there to help me.

way to go, my destructive side!!!