taking control

i did want to talk about something but i had the worst conversation ever with someone so rude that i forgot what i wanted to say ...
ehm ehm
those days i'm having those horrible nightmares i can't handle . i mean are dreams supposed to tell you who u are ??? u're supposed to know what your unconscious self is through your dreams ??? i once heard that saints do in their dreams what they can't do in real life ??? does that mean that when you're so good in real life , your brain creates this world where you can be BAD ??? but why doesn't it happen with everyone else ? why me ? i'm no angel , i'm no saint ...

these days i have this urge to take control over my life on many levels ; my studies , my future , my character and as i mentioned my dreams . i can't imagine having something in my life that's out of my hands. yet i still have this fear of failure that is holding me back . growing up in a judgmental environment i was so afraid to try anything new coz i was afraid i'd fail . this left me in the shadows i became this boring person that won't open a conversation so that he would not feel stupid , even though he knows deep inside that he is smarter than all of them .
i'm gonna take control ...